'in your eyes,lies my soul' - he said in a tired yet loving voice while laying close to her ,right after they made passionate love.  She turned away from him and sighed. It's not the first time that he said such breath taking sentence to her but this time it could not reach her heart. She didn't have her heart inside her anyways. It was just her body that carved his touch . Her heart was already taken away by a musician from whom she has been learning to play piano for few weeks.

(the music)

"Why do you always search for home in every place ? "
- She wasn't happy. Seems like it had been years since she has felt the warmth and love she used to feel in what she often calls a cocoon now.
" no don't, this world is a cool place, but I don't have a home here"
-She told her pet cat once. She believed cats could understand us and could keep secrets better than humans.
BUT the bruises that world gave her were really pretty.

I used to tell him - " you are not my boyfriend, you are my love". He never really understood the difference but he always felt the same for me . I liked walking with one of my hands around his waist but people stared at us in such a weird way if it was a sin to be in love. He told me many times that he feared the culture and society and used to convince him that how one day everyone will accept us .
But last year, this day, he gave up. He gave up on thus cruel society and he gave up on his life. I did not kill myself but each day without him is no less than hell. But I promised his dead body that I will live and cherish our love, no matter what anyone says.

* a paragraph from a diary of gay lover in 1870's , India*

12:51 PM
Her body is as cold as ice which could only bring chills to any living creature. He is worried because even the warm heat of sun could not bring her temperature back to normal. Her lips were already white and her eyes fixed at the ceiling seemed too shallow to believe. but she was always cold to people who loved her.

12:54 PM
He lays with her waiting for her to say something. He slightly moved towards her and whispered something in her ear to make her giggle but she sighed and turned her gaze towards him in a strange manner. This was an awkward moment for him. It wasn’t the gaze he was expecting.but she was always strange to people who loved her.

12 :59 PM
A tear dropped from her eye, through her cheeks.. he didn’t let it get lost and caught it with his lips. That’s what he told how he would keep her safe and all her problems away. She smiled, closed her eyes forever. He was shattered but could not understand what went wrong.but she was always dead to people who loved her.

he was born beautiful. golden hair, long face, blue eyes and a mind to explore things beyond their stereotypical existence. he had a clear vision of what he wanted to do. but life never was good to him, fair enough? like me, he chose something which was not good for him and later on , like me,  he decided to make efforts to listen to brain rather than heart. like me he liked the pain from piercings and cigarettes. today, I caught his glimpse while I was passing by the coffee shop where he used to spend his time alone because in some ways, like me, he said he prefers solitude than being around with people. I wonder if we had the same reasons to avoid people.
One day, in the same coffee shop, as we both were sipping our favorite coffee, he lit his cigarette while I scribbled on tissue paper trying to make some poetry. After a while, I closed my eyes and said irritatingly - why do whatever I write turns out to be so morbid? As I opened my eyes, he was looking straight at my eyes which appeared like he is trying to look into my soul. But he turned away his gaze soon and with that smile on his face which he always wear when he wants to make you smile he said- - - - - *something that I’d always cherish*. Sorry for not sharing my joys. I am too selfish to share the things/people/moments who are close to my heart.

and, not the end

She lays on the silky sheets staring at the ceiling fan and her mind translating certain events of the day, the month, the year and the life. How many times, she plays the same series of events in her mind again and again and every time reach to a different conclusion. Any of these conclusions have not been able to mend her bleeding soul or the bruised body. She yawns. She smiles- oh dear, this sadness is so boring. 

and, it still hurts

last night, She was laying in bed with closed eyes but her breathing was heavy. He easily guessed that she was not asleep. She wasn’t. She was lost in the memories of love they made a few moments backs. He leaned in to kiss her lips which he said he could not decide if they were plum colored or something with the tint of brown, a little swollen now, made her lips more full and attractive. He wanted to kiss her all the feelings that he felt for her but she opened her eyes and said -

Stop; it still hurts

**

because she had a tendency to push away everything that brought happiness to her.

and,the life ends

She looked at the moon and pointed towards it saying “Bring me that white ball”. He looked at Her innocent face, smiled as He knew that She always demanded impossible things but as always He wanted to give her the eternity. 

He brought Her to the lake and showed her the shadow of moon.

She giggled.

He thought He made Her happy.

She always knew her life would be full with His shadow around her.

—-

and she woke up from the dream. She had to go to his grave today.

and,every night

Here I stand uhm I spill invisible roaches of suspects every time. Sometimes humans prove me wrong and sometimes I die. I look at the moon and I blow a kiss to it hoping it would make love to me but I don’t deserve it. Then I look at the stars and ask them if they want to make out with me tonight but they are too busy with each other that they don’t bother to reply and thus I finally fall in arms of darkness which always awaits for me . I lay there naked in vomit of insecurity and cum of sadness whole night and next day I wake up telling people that I had cute dreams.

Deep

Down

at the

Dawn

come see me

Designing

the

Destruction